March 29, 2010
Sometimes I have these weeks that are just so insane that I can’t even tell anyone everything because I really don’t think they will believe me. And I pride myself on maintaining balance despite having a lot on my plate. I have pretty strict boundaries and guard my time with Rahul, but sometimes life just gets nutty. So baseline, I’ve got single motherhood and my own business. Add to that the new business that I’m trying to start and the fact that I have less than zero money. All of that I can handle.
Problem #1. When you adopt internationally (and under some other conditions, too…) you are eligible for a large tax credit in the year the adoption is finalized. I couldn’t get Rahul’s adoption finalized until a year after he had been here (due to crazy things like my lawyer filing in the wrong county and New York State losing my fingerprints) so I have had to wait a really long time to qualify for this tax credit. I have tons of outstanding bills and I need seed money for my new business, so I have been LONGING for tax time so I can get this money. Long story short, I found out last Thursday that I don’t qualify for this money. The way my tax preparer broke the news to me was by just kind of slipping it into conversation, as if I wouldn’t notice. Uh, I did notice. According to her calculations, not only was I not getting this huge chunk of money that I have spent 10 time over, I OWED money to the government! Needless to say, I did not take her word for it, but I still haven’t found the answer to the question of how I file for this credit and I’m now looking for a new tax preparer!
Problem #2. Mice. I have lived in my apartment for 2 years and have never seen one mouse or evidence of mice, until one just sauntered into my room a month ago. I don’t do well with mice. They creep me out to a very large degree. I had the exterminator in my apartment the very next day but have literally been bombarded by mice for the past month. They’ve gotten into my couch, every closet, my bathroom, my kitchen, they’re everywhere. Every time I see one, or see where one has been, I become like a crazy person and get out the caulk gun and the steel wool and the plaster and seal up every crack and crevice I can find. And just when I think I’ve seen the last of them and there can’t possibly be any other way for them to get into my apartment, one goes running past me! And its usually just as I’m putting Rahul to bed. Luckily, he’s not afraid of them, so he’s been a big help to me. But I realized last week that I think my son is going to be in therapy someday talking about how his mom was always crawling around on the floor with plaster all over her hands and vaccumming the living daylights out of every cushion and closet. I try to make it fun–“It’s like we’re detectives! Mice always leave us clues as to where they’ve been!”–but come on, there’s nothing fun about watching mommy crying in a heap on the floor because the mice chewed through the bag of dog food.
Problem #3. Dr. Hertz. He’s a psychiatrist and his name is Dr. Hertz–I guess I should have been warned. My son needs medication for some severe mental health issues, and I need this doctor to moniter his health and prescribe the medication. It is dangerous for him to be off this medicine, so its imperritive that I have good communication with the doctor. But he never calls me back. I will text and voice mail him 20 times for every 1 call back. So I hear you, you’re saying, Hey! Get another doctor, lady! And I say to you that it is EXTREMELY hard to find a child psychiatrist who will call me back. I have called probably 50 places and gotten exactly nowhere. Anyway, Rahul has been having a rough time lately, emotionally, and he was about to go on vacation, so I needed to meet with Dr. Hertz and get a refill for his medication. I know the drill, so I started texting and calling him a month ago. Finally, he texted back saying he had an appointment for us at 6pm last Friday. I took it and cancelled our other plans so we could be there. Don’t you know he stood us up. And Rahul was supposed to go out of town the next morning for a week with no medicine. So I texted him every five minutes, called him, called his collegues and ratted him out, and finally, as I’m driving Rahul to my parents’ house, I get a 3 word text back from him “called in script”. No apology, no explanation. Ugh. I started the search for a new doctor this morning. Wish me luck.
Anyway, life goes on. I am leaning on Jesus for my strength, and all is well. I’m very focused on finding solutions for these problems. I’ve put in calls and emails to tons of doctors and tax experts.
And I got a cat.
March 22, 2010
OK. So I CHOSE to become a single mom, so don’t always feel justified admitting how hard it is. People, it. is. hard. I’m pretty used to the pace by now (its been almost 2 years!), but one little thing can throw all my carefully constructed balance completely out of whack. Last week I got sick and life fell apart. I could not keep up with the demands of my business and my child and I just kept hanging in there thinking I’d feel better and everything would shake itself out. But by Thursday afternoon I was done. I called my parents who live 7 hours away, and asked them to come help me for the weekend. One great thing motherhood has done for me is that it has made me a little more comfortable asking for help. (It has also, according to my mom, made me a lot more tolerant with loud chewing sounds. She is constantly amazed when Rahul is chomping away at his food with his mouth open that I do not even notice. I used to have a zero tolerance policy for loud chewing and would walk up to people and close their lips with my fingers or ask them to spit their gum out into my hand!!!)
So of course, my parents drove down to help me and I cannot explain how much weight lifted off my shoulders the moment they walked in the door. My mom came carrying a pot full of ingredients to make chicken noodle soup and my dad chased Rahul around the yard while she cooked it up. Over the weekend they managed to do all of my laundry, washed all of my dishes (I had several days’ worth piled up), took my son to Target twice to buy birthday presents and took him to the actual birthday parties. They also played several hours of hide and seek with Rahul (his current favorite game) and read him his bedtime stories (since my voice sounds like a cackling witch). And they helped me do my grocery shopping and footed the bill!
They left this morning and I feel several hundred pounds lighter than I did a few days ago. My head is clear in more ways than one and I can focus and concentrate on keeping my world spinning.